1.The Canada Song
between the icecaps of the North Pole,
and the space of America,
there's a country in the middle,
known as Canada.
where the natives all are happy,
and the lakes are fresh and clean,
there is no unemployment,
and no one is mean,
in the summer there's no mosquitoes,
and the winters are never cold,
there is no clear cut logging,
and no o-zone hole.
oh Canada your leaders are so swell,
in Canada no one ever goes to hell,
no criminals or taxes,
and Visa never phones,
Elvis is alive in Moose Jaw,
but we leave him alone,
cuz we're in Canada,
whose army is so strong,
in Canada,
no one has to mow their lawn,
no waiting for the buses,
no standing in a line,
the banks are all non-profit,
and the dollar flew that 99.9,
(that's American you know)
so shout Canada,
the ports are always fair,
shout Canada,
where mechanics never never swear,
(talking)
the rednecks and the hippies live in perfect harmony,
growing wheat and marrow together hydroponically,
nobody has binfulls and the sky is so clear,
and when Jesus Christ comes back to earth,
I know he'll be born here,
the phone lines are never busy,
and you're never put on hold,
Canada's the country garbed entirely from gold,
oh in Canada,
everyone says please,
in Canada,
no one ever cuts the cheese,
oh Canada,
oh Canada,
the country of love is the country for me,
Canada,
starts with a 'C'.
2.Waiting To Sell Out
People ask us why we sing, they say we really dig your stuff
You must really love the things you do, is it enough
You've all got university degrees that should be a start
You can get a job a car a life, do you do it for the love of art
Integrity and honesty usually mean poverty
Attention in the media won't buy financial solvency
We're just here to have some laughs we don't want to lead in
fashion
We don't want a record deal as long as we get the cash in
Cuz we're waiting to sell out
Our gnp is what we're all about
Our budget's low, our costs are high
Without your help we'll surely die
My name is mike and i can't afford to eat
My name is trevor and i live out on the street
My name is chris..... (ramble on)
So if you..... buy our tape
So if you..... buy our tape
So if you..... buy our tape
Scat
Cuz we're selling out that's what we do
Is ten dollars too much to ask of you and you and you
This is the last of us you'll see unless we pay our puc (public
utilities)
We give you laughter we work and slave
So don't be the bastard that never gave
Ten dollars can go so far, you'll see us spend it at the bar
Buy our tapes or our cds, we'll pay the gst
Got no cash, what the heck, we'll even take a cheque certified
of course....
Cuz we're waiting to sell out
If you don't buy our stuff we're going to pout
Think about this if you don't buy
Next set we sing american pie
(blah blah blah)
Cuz we're waiting to sell out....
Oooooh.
3.Toronto Sucks
I hate the skydome and the CN Tower too
I hate Nathan Phillips Square and the Ontario Zoo
The rents too high, the airs unclean
The beaches are dirty and the people are mean
And the women are big and the men are dumb
And the children are loopy 'cause they live in a slum
The water is polluted and the mayor's a dork
They dress real bad and they think they're New York
In Toronto, Ontario
'You know, actually I think I hate all of Ontario'
I hate Thunder Bay and Ottawa
Kitchener, Windsor, and Oshawa
London sucks and the Great Lakes suck
And Sarnia sucks and Turkey Point Sucks
I took a trip to ONtario to visit Brian Mulrooney
He beat me up and he stole my pants and he put me in a tree
I went to see the Maple Leafs and got hit in the head with a
puck
'I don't even know how they did it, I was playing the orgon at
the time!'
Ontariio Sucks
'actually, now tha I really think about it, I think I pretty
much hate every gosh darn province and territory in our
country!Except Alberta, yeah I love Alberta, lots of cows,
trees, rocks, dirt'
I hate Newfoundland 'cause they talk so weird
And Prince Edward Island is too small
Nova Scotia's dumb 'cause it's the name of a bank
New Brunswick doesn't have a good mall
Quebec is revolting and it makes me mad
Ontario sucks, Ontario sucks,
'Manitoba's population density is 1.9 people per square
kilometer. NOw isn't that stupid!？'
Saskatchewan is boring and the people are old
And as for the territories, they're too cold!
And the only really good thing about the province of British
Columbia is that it's right next to us!'
'cause Alberta doesn't suck
But Calgary does
4.The Toronto Song
I hate the skydome and the CN tower too,
I hate Nathan Phillip's square and the Ontario Zoo,
The rent's too high, the air's unclean,
The beaches are dirty and the people are mean,
And the women are big and the men are dumb,
And the children are loopy cuz they live in a slum!
The water is polluted and their mayor's a dork,
They dress real bad and they think they're New York,
In Toronto, Ontario-o-o
-Ya know actually I, I think I pretty much hate all of Ontario-
(Oh yeah, me too!)
I hate Thunder Bay and Ottawa, Kitchener, Windsor and Oshawa
London sucks and the Great Lakes suck and Sarnia sucks and
Turkey point sucks,
I took a trip to Ontario to visit Brian Mulruney,
He beat me up and he stole my pants and he put me in a tree,
I went to see the Maple-Leafs and got hit in the head with a
puck,
(Ah, I-I don't evenknow how they did it really, I mean I was
playing the organ at the time!)
ONTARIO-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O SUCKs,
Yep, actually now that I think about it,
I think I pretty much hate every gosh darn province and
territory in our country,
Oh yeah-except Alberta! Oh yeah, I love Alberta, Yeah it's
really nice, lots of cows, and trees, and rocks and dirt!
(moo moo moo)
But,
I hate Newfoundland cuz they talk so wierd, and Prince Edward
Island is-Too Small,
Nova Scotia's dumb cuz it's the name of a bank, New Bruinswick
doesn't have a good mall!
Quebec is revolting and it makes me mad, Ontario Sucks, Ontario
Sucks!
(Manitoba's population density is 1.9 people per square
kilometre,
Isn't that stupid!)
Saskatchewan is boring and the people are old,
And as for the territories,( they're too cold!)
And the only really good thing about the province of British
Columbia is that
it's right next to us,
Cuz Alberta, doesn't suck, but Calgary doesssssss!
5.Forgive Us, We're Canadian
We always say we're sorry,
We like to stand in line,
When you ask us how we're doin' we alway say：
'Just fine!'
Forgive us we're Canadian
We try hard to be nice,
You too can be Canadian if you follow this advice.
We disagree on everything
But we try to be polite
And we don't believe in violence,
Except on Hockey Night!
We've adopted European ways
Replacing yards with meters
But we still must ask the question
'How many miles in a liter？'
We can talk for hours on end about the Constitution,
Which is dry as toast, but sure as heck
Beats war and revolution
We don't much like to wave the flag
We find patriotism shocking,
So we celebrate our Canada Day
By going cross-border shopping!
We know how to dress for winter,
We're not afraid of snow,
And we love our country quietly,
And hope Quebec won't go...
Forgive us we're Canadian,
Some might think us bland,
But there's no where that we'd rather live...
Than this vast and frozen land!
6.I'm The Only Gay Eskimo
Im the only gay eskimo
Im the only one i know
Im the only gay eskimo in my tribe
I go out seal hunting with my best friend tarka
But all i wanna do is get into his parka
Im the only gay eskimo in my tribe
Well me and NUCK fluck chuck buck we both like blubber
But me i got this crazy fetish for rubber
Im the only gay eskimo in my tribe
I make the wish on the northern lights
That i could find a decent pair of whale skin tights
Im the only gay eskimo in my tribe
And the seals the sing now(seal noises)
These cold winter nights are taking their toll
I even get excited when i see the north pole
See the north pole
Im the only gay eskimo
Only gay eskimo
Im the only one i know
Im the only one i know
Im the only gay eskimo
In my tribe
Now like the proclaimers sing it!
Im the only gay eskimo
Im the only one i know
Im the only gay eskimo
Like Bob Dillon!
Im the only gay eskimo
Im the only one i know
Im the only gay eskimo
7.The War Of 1812
Come back proud canadian's,
To before you had TV.
No hockey night in canada,
There was no CBC.
In 1812 madison was mad,
He was the president you know.
Well he thought he'd tell the british where they ought to go.
He thought he'd invade canada,
He thought that he was tough.
Instead we went to washington,
And burned down all his stuff.
And the white house burned, burned, burned.
And we're the ones that did it,
It burned, burned, burned.
While the president ran and cried,
It burned, burned, burned.
And things were very historical,
And the Americans ran and cried like a bunch of little babies
WaWaWa
In the war of 1812.
Those hilbilies from kentucky,
Dressed in green and red.
Left home to fight in canada,
But they returned home dead.
It's the only war the yankies lost except for veitnam.
And also the alomo and the bay of ham.
The looser was america,
The winner was ourselfs.
So join right in and gloat about the war of 1812.
And the white house burned, burned, burned.
And we're the ones that did it,
It burned, burned, burned.
While the president ran and cried,
It burned, burned, burned.
And things were very historical,
And the Americans ran and cried like a bunch of little babies
WaWaWa
In the war of 1812.
In 1812 we were just sitting around,
Minding our own business,
Putting crops into the ground.
We heard the soilders coming,
And we didn't like that sound.
So we took a boat to washington and burned it to the ground.
Oh we fired our guns but the yankies kept on a coming,
There wasn't quite as many as there was a while ago.
We fired once more and the yankies started running,
Down the mississippi to the gulf of mexico.
They ran through the snow,
And they ran through the forest,
They ran through the bushes where the beavers wouldn't go,
They ran so fast they forgot to take they're culture,
Back to america, and gulf and mexico.
So if you go to washington,
It's building clean and nice,
Bring a pack of matches,
And we'll burn the white house twice.
And the white house burned, burned, burned,
But the americans wont admit it.
It burned, burned, burned...
It burned and burned and burned
It burned, burned, burned
I bet that made them mad.
And the Americans ran and cried like a bunch of little babies
WaWaWa
In the war of 1812.
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